Friday, August 14, 2009

Amazed and Saddened

Family is hard.
My family is really hard.

My cousin called me today. She is caring for her father who will be passing away soon from cancer. I've been there. Taking care of my mom while she passed from this world while taking care of a new born baby (and 4 other children) and my husband who had a heart attack the day we brought my mom to our home to be cared for and he had open heart surgery two days later. As horrible as my experience seemed, hers' is much worse.

As I listened to her vent today, I realized, perhaps for the first time, the amount of pain in her heart. It just broke my heart. The pain isn't just from the current situation she is in, caring for her dying father while homeless with 2 children because of her alcoholic mothers actions. Her mother is doing things to her that are beyond comprehension for me or anyone who ever knew her. And I found myself wondering, "what happened to her (my cousin)?" She is in so much pain but it only comes out as venom and rage.

I know the basic road she has traveled, the obstacles she overcame beyond all odds-really amazing. She doesn't see that. She doesn't see that she is strong because she doesn't feel it. How often have I felt that way. Weak, useless, hopeless, helpless. The difference between us is that I know who I am, where my hope is, that my weakness makes my God shine brighter.

During the toughest trials I have survived, I knew that my God was with me. I knew that my Father had everything under control and I was safe even if I didn't feel like it. She doesn't have that, neither does her father or mother. Both of her parents steeped in addictions, something their daughter escaped from (after giving birth to 2 kids who were born addicted to cocaine) but not their 2 sons.

My cousin "knows" God loves her but doesn't see that only His power can help her. He came to heal the broken hearted. Her broken heart, but she won't hear of it.

I'm just so saddened by the entire situation and driven to my knees in tears for all of them.

1 comment:

  1. Oh my. I led such a sheltered life that I never knew what it felt like-to not feel God's great love. After going through a nightmare of my own-I found out and it's horrible. I too will pray for her. Makes me feel ashamed of myself-cause my problems were nothing compared to hers. You are so right-if only the each person in the world could feel his loving presence-cause nothing compares to it.