The Healing Warrior

I watch and wait, silently, safely hidden under His wing. Balm of Giliad, and times of healing and rest. Stronger from the battle, yet wounded and bruised. I wait on strength to return, for His anointed time. I dare not move until my King bid me so.

Until that time I wait, patiently...allowing Him to do His work, in His perfect time and His perfect way. I know that He has a plan that is far better. His perfect will is what I seek...

In times of worship, I seek His face and hear His voice clearly. It is at His feet that I long to be. In His presence there is perfect peace, joy and love...The reality of this world can not enter in. The sanctity of His Glory preserved....all available to His children who seek Him.

It's Ok....

I know you don't see it. It's ok, I never showed you the pain and shame I feel. You never saw the hurt I feel everytime someone asks about him or when I have to explain his actions or words.

I have hid it for so long that no one knows. You dont' know the times I have had to hold my head high while feeling nothing but shame, praying that no one asks about him, hearing what was said.....about me.....but not speaking out in my own defense, holding my head high as I held on to the only one I could-Jesus.

Going on with life, ministry and worship as I felt their eyes on me. Did they watch to hold me up in prayer or to see if this battle, this blow, would take me down?

Very few know the true battle raging within, the heart break I feel, my fears or doubts.

They don't know how I just want to run to Him with all I have within me and sit at His feet and let him heal my wounds and strengthen me when I'm weary from the war. I cherish those times.

So you see it's ok, I know your words weren't meant to hurt me. I saw your face as soon as you said it. I never let you see the wounds. You didn't know they were there.

You didn't know I was worshiping right in front of you, afraid to let it all out, afraid for anyone to see the open wounds. Afraid to face those who doubted me, who were right there with me but couldn't stand with me and worship for looking at me.

As I look around, they are all gone now... I still stand, holding on to who God says I am and not who man says I am. I know the truth and I know my actions didn't cause this and I should feel no shame but, none the less, it was there.

Years of pain and heartache, shame and torment. Things I want to forget but can't. Broken promises, shattered dreams, bondage I will never return to.

Though it's been hard, I found freedom. The battles isn't over but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Way off in the distance. The Lord is my banner.

My Homeschool Classroom

Isn't mommys desk pretty? It looks that way from Saturday to Monday......then



It looks like this :-) I have no idea why everything ends up on my desk. It's the smallest in the room!

Extra resources live here...usually. We also have bookcases outside in the hallway. Junk on the bottom shelf :-)

Our schedule and class white board. I left the vocabulary lesson on there.....don't judge the handwriting. LOL Under the board is a box of National Geographic and Rick the Ranger that I got from freecycle. Good to use in between lessons! The plastic draws hold different supplies. You know what the blue thing is :~)

This is the older boys desk. Yes that is 2 rolls of toilet paper on his desk and I have no idea why but I didn't find any spit balls so It's good. I straightened his desk for the picture. His desk is usually the messiest.

Taz's desk and the calendar that he uses every morning to announce the day, date etc. He uses the roll of contact paper on his desk to point. Very cute!

Our workbox system and worship center :-) Yes there are construction paper covered cereal boxes. It takes less room than some of the systems I have seen out there and our classroom is the smallest room in the house except for one of the bathrooms. I found this on a blog but hers were very very pretty. My boys wouldn't care if they were just the cereal boxes and no paper covers. You can find her post here... http://www.amothersjournal.com/2009/03/08/workbox-system/

I love looking at blogs and seeing what other people are doing. They always look so pretty and organized. I used to do pretty :-) Now if it works I'm ok with it. Sad really......maybe one day I will find the time to make all the things I love pretty.

I have already started planning for next year and how much money I need so my sweet husband will be able to budget it in. We are still kinda feeling our way through but it's been a fun, stress filled adventure.

Be blessed!

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Maybe not.....

I have been trying to get back to this but life seems to be so busy that I have no time for anything extra. Work, homeschool, housework, ministry.....I have been trimming away time wasters. We joined a homeschool co-op and playgroup. My pastor moved me into a new ministry leadership position. God has really been doing great things for us and our family. My intent is to widdle out time for this blog. Homeschool and devotional posts mostly. I have been getting excited about writing again. The things i have been writing may find their way here as well. Exciting times!

Looking forward.....

Time Management

Homeschooling seems to be causing me to look at my current time management issues. I have always been someone who likes order rather than chaos, and this is seemingly chaos. I read blogs to help me with ideas, books, curriculum, and ORGANIZATION. I have spent hours a day trying to reorganize my entire house because it has gotten out of control as of late (or maybe I'm just spazzin out because of the homeschool chaos?!) I'm thinking that I may be overwhelmed. I have no "personal" friends who are homeschooling at this time. Many have opted to put their children back into the school system so I am just figuring it out all on my own. May not be the best idea I have ever had.

There are so many excellent resources out there for homeschool but, alas, my funding is limited so I have to be selective about my purchases. I scour the Internet for free and cheap resources to supplement what we are doing. I find blogs and often wonder how they have time to blog...I can barely think of blogging but admittedly, I have several time wasters that I could do without. :)

My 2 boys that are still at home are both diagnosed with ADHD. Sizzlers, as Carol Barnier calls them. One I have been able to completely get off meds. Ok, we pulled him from public school after his teacher once again requested him to have a dosage increase and we saw that he was all but a zombie and couldn't possibly be making as much trouble in the class as she stated. Her biggest complaint, "he plays with his pencil". Once he was out of school we stopped the meds. I can handle the playing with pencils and if it takes him all day and 100 prompts from me to stop wasting time, it's only temporary, he will learn to focus himself eventually. My 21 year old did and I have faith that he will.

My 5 year old is worse than those 2 put together as far as ADHD. The jury is still out on him. :~) He is a very out of the box thinker. Yesterday, I woke up with his little skinny arm across my nose. As I opened my eyes, he realized that I was awake and said in his very excited voice, "Mom, smell my armpit!!! I washed it last night!!" Yes, Honey, I'm soooo glad you washed it. Good morning, Taz. Yes the child had his armpit over my nose. Just another day in this home. :~)

Have a blessed day!

Intercession

Intercession: Closing the gap (standing in) between God and people when the person is unable to do so themselves. Pleading with God for our needs and the needs of others. Taking a hold of God's will and refusing to let go. An unselfish act that moves God.

Often prompted by the Holy Spirit (prayer burden), the intercessor goes boldly to the throne room, in the presence of God and petitions for the needs of others not letting go until released by God or the answer is received. The Intercessory prayer perseveres (persists, maintains a purpose in spite if difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement, Continue steadfastly), prevails (to be or prove superior in strength power or influence), travails (painfully difficult or burdensome work, anguish or suffering resulting from mental or physical hardship), presses in and pursues with all deliberate speed. Intercession is also a type of warfare. A weapon that can pull down strongholds in the spirit realm and protect from or counter an attack of the enemy.

Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

Ephesians 6:18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints

2 Corinthians 10:3-4 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)

Luke 11:10 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. (continually asking, seeking and knocking)

Galatians 6:2 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

1 Timothy 2:1 I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; (not the complete thought)

It is our responsibility to intercede on behalf of others, nations, etc.

Ezekiel 22:30 And I sought for a man among them, that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none.

God sought someone to intercede but found no one willing so His wrath was poured out upon the people of Judah. They had been taken into captivity in Babylonia at this time.

Isaiah 59:16 And he saw that there was no man, and wondered that there was no intercessor: therefore his arm brought salvation unto him; and his righteousness, it sustained him.

God wondered that no one interceded for the people of Judah.

Romans 8:29-30, 34 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
We are to be like Jesus. Jesus makes intercession for us therefore we should be interceding as well.

Psalm 106: 23 Therefore he said that he would destroy them, had not Moses his chosen stood before him in the breach, to turn away his wrath, lest he should destroy them.

Moses stood in the gap for his people.

Romans 8:26-27 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. and he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

This is just a blip of a study my pastor asked me to do. I can't wait to finish it!

Mama's Binder

About a month ago I came across my old old "control journal" that I created several years ago and I just put it on the shelve in the classroom. It had been modified and changed many times. It started as a fly lady type journal and changed as our life changed. The last time I used it was in 2005. A very traumatic year for us and it shows by the entries in the calender etc. I had since changed the binder to fit my needs and purchased a pretty purple one. (the one I have been using) As I went through my current schedule and routines today, I realized that pretty much none of it was working since I am now homeschooling. :) Can you say revelation????

I have been printing some pretties and working on the schedule and routines. I also realize I'm going to have to push myself harder on the days that I work to stick to it. I'm excited!!!! I have one binder for "home keeper" stuff, one for "Spiritual" stuff (Bible study, sermon notes etc) and one for Homeschool stuff. I just can't see toting a binder big enough to hold all that, so I separated it a long time ago. They are all 2 inch binders. I still need a larger one for the Bible study. :/

Just an update.

Be blessed!!